In Defense of Jazz Hands and The Kung-Fu Grip™

Posted on February 12, 2018 by sungmokoo

According to Quincy Jones, this ugly American had sex with a mailbox.

In a world where voices are farts, I would like to preface the following with: Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one and they’re all wrong.

You may call me privileged, or worst, an American, but beneath this slimy veneer, I am a dreamer, one of those stupid optimists. With this, I believe that free network television can be better. We, most importantly, I deserve it. They need to conjure up some way to even the playing field so they can honestly compete against cable television and streaming services. At this rate, the networks are taxicabs, and HBO® is the Uber®, but more expensive. The answer to their survival is simple, use cuss words after 8 PM Central Time. Before you rebut with: what about the children? Shut the fuck up.

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“The Sound Of Superstition, Fuk Dat” by SAGAT Vs. STEVIE WONDER Vs. SIMON AND GARFUNKEL

Posted on February 11, 2018 by sungmokoo

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Here’s a mnemonic device to help you remember this song. It’s very convoluted, yet effective, so take notes. Begin with ROY G. BIV, which is the acronym for the colors of the rainbow. Which leads to the song, “Rainbow Connection” sung by Kermit The Frog, which begins with the lyrics, “Why are there so many songs about rainbows?” The answer of course is how the hell would I know. Which leads to who is Sagat? Same answer. And there you have it, “The Sound Of Superstition, Fuk Dat” by Sagat Vs. Stevie Wonder Vs. Simon & Garfunkel. Here to help your memory for less than a year.

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Elvis Presley’s 35th Christmas

Posted on February 10, 2018 by sungmokoo

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On December 21, 1970, the meeting of paranoid minds talk about Watergate. To clarify, Elvis was greatly impressed by the presidential toilet.

If Elvis Aron Presley was anything, he was “regular” and this Christmas was no different. In fact, he was so regular this morning; he had already flushed twice. The bathroom fan was industrial as all get out, and it was doing its job loudly and proficiently. Instead of the stench of poop and urine, it was replaced by myrrh and frankincense. Elvis moaned as a turd snaked out of his orifice obscured by pearly white porcelain. There was a plop, water splashed on his unbeknownst to him, growing white ass cheeks. No one in his posse dared to tell ‘E’ that he was gaining weight. For good measure, Elvis flushed again. He laughed out loud thinking about his honor bound duty.

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Something I never want to see, but probably will…

Posted on February 9, 2018 by sungmokoo

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Dewey, Bill Yu and Howe. “Not only are we lawyers, we are clients.”

Men. Have you or any other man you know, been accused of improper sexual advances in the workplace? Are you unable to control your violent temper with your girlfriend/wife/any female? Were you forced to resign from a high paying job, only to be further embarrassed because fellow employees found out about your tragic erectile dysfunction and the following bemoaning text messages? We hear you, and we empathize. Call us. We’re Dewey, Bill Yu and Howe®. Call now. 1-888-ME THREE™, 1-888-ME THREE™. The best defense is a good offense Our motto is “Blame or be blamed.” We are here to help you fight for your rights.

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