Joe Walsh and Randy Meisner must feel hairless and impotent compared to these hair studs.
There are things you can swallow, and things you cannot.
Some things are broken, and some things are shot.
If everything is all you’ve got,
You must be a polka dot.
-Drunk Rhyming Confucius 470 B.C.
So unbelievable, it has to be true.
It was a momentous and historic day for the Jackson 5. It was June 1970 in the Hitsville West Studio in L.A. The boys were putting the finishing touches on their latest and greatest single, “Never Can Say Goodbye”. In 1971, it would reach #2 on Billboard’s Pop Singles chart, and #1 on Billboard’s Black Singles chart. As the brothers prepared to add Michael’s lead vocals, a faceless man slowly materialized in the studio and began to what could best be described, sing.
Where the damn hell am I? What the damn hell is this? The last thing I remember was fighting the dreaded Ratzis in France and ohhhh… Yeah, there was an explosion, followed by some crazy glowing dame taking me by the hand and yanking me into a freaking time portal. There’s my where and when, but what? What the damn hell is this?
New wave of superheroes include Talisman. Beware his magic, evildoers.
Funny story, true. I’m taking out the trash last Thursday night, you know, around eight, right between Little Sheldon® and Moms®, and I see, get this, I see The Oaf® and Talisman® getting all up into it. You know, those two newbie superheroes wearing all that spandex, gold and glitter. Right over there, in front of that driveway. And, they’re cussing up a storm. I swear, it was all fuck this and fuck that shit and you ain’t shit without me and your mother’s a fucking idiot and you and what fucking shit-ass army.
The sound of a switchblade and a motorbike.
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